Soundtrack: Blank Space by Taylor Swift
A couple months ago I had a couple friends in Toronto introduce me to Taylor Swift's newest album...and much to my chagrin, I liked it (apologies to my friend, Joe, for harassing him so much for liking her music before). Recently I've been obsessed with Taylor Swift's song "Blank Space" (feel free to judge, but hear me out first).
I'm a bit weird when it comes to music...it can obsess me. Not any particular artist or album though...it's usually songs. And I will play them to death (for many of the people around me). Something in a song will hook me, and then I have to listen...dissect...process...and emotional 'eat' the song. In this case it's a bit odd though, because it's not the words (which is what it usually is). Thankfully, most of my breakups have been fairly mutual and positive, though each painful in it's own way...much thanks to the solid quality of character of the people I've had the chance to share life with. And it's been super puzzling to me as to why this song has enamored me.
Then this morning while reflecting/praying/pacing/whatever you want to call it, it smacked me. In the face. It was the screams.
Now I don't mean that in any perverted or erotic way, but I kept cranking the volume because I didn't want to hear the words (sorry Taylor). I was after the beats in the background, the bass, and the screams. It was so weird, and maybe it was just me projecting, but there was something about the raw emotion...pain...and sheer 'rawr' in the way she was carrying the vocals boarding on screams that resonated to the core of my being.
Ever heard a song like that? One that connects in such a way that you know to the core of your being that you aren't the only human who has hurt that way...emotionally bled that way...felt that way.
Why? I suck at grieving...and right now it's the one thing I need to do.
I don't share this for pity, or to whine...but because maybe someone else would resonate with this or it would be helpful. I'm grieving a ton of things right now. I hate to admit it...but it's my reality. Don't get me wrong, life has been kind to me and I'm blessed to have the job I have, be around my family again, call the church that I'm attending home, and have the friends around me that I do. Yet, in the background I'm coming to terms with a whole lot of dreams that died or look a lot different than I had anticipated...many tied to things outside of my control. And it helps to hear the cries of someone else who gets it.
So if things are falling apart...
...if you're wrestling with your faith
...if you're coming out of the closet
...if you're starting life over...again
...if you're grieving dreams from your childhood not able to become a reality
...if you're missing people you love
...if you're doing your best to move forward when the past keeps calling
...or anything else...
You're not alone. Let's scream together?
