*new edits: August 13, 2012
Tension.
It's difficult to describe.
Tense.
Right.
Wrong.
Yes.
No
Gut wrenching.Stressful.
Joyful.
Pulling.
Trying.
Angry.
Peace.
Misunderstanding.
Understanding.
Hurt.
Healing.
Pain.
Whole.
A few years ago I remember sitting in my car with a good friend. At the time we both were involved in a ministry school. I had been involved with the school for about three years and we had recently relocated the entire program to a new city and church. In the process of this move I had become very involved in another ministry at the new church, and become very good friends with the leader of that ministry. A comment had been made during our conversation in the car and the conversation got pretty tense. My breaking point had been reached. Thankfully the guy I was talking to in the car was a close friend because I basically became unglued and unloaded all the thoughts and frustrations that came with living in the middle of the tension between the two ministries.
Things between the ministry I was involved in and the ministry school I was a part of had become pretty tense. On one hand I had many very close and long term friends; and on the other was a new incredibly important friend plus a ministry and a team of people that I was growing to love as well. Two very different contexts. Two very different sets of events. Two very different histories. Two very different perspectives...and I had the privilege of getting to live, work, and exist in this world of tension between the two. These were two extremely important sets of people to me. The purpose of both groups were my heartbeat and they seemed at odds with each other and it was incredible painful and frustrating seeing it happen.
The whole situation seemed immature, petty, and counter productive. My heart hurt because both of these 'worlds' should have been working together, yet it seemed the tension between the two would never go away. Both sides were having trouble fully understanding the perspective of the other, trying to mend things seemed next to impossible, and looking to the future and seeing what was possible was frustrating seeing where things were. I loved both groups of people, ministries, and purposes dearly. This tension was wounding and frustrating because I didn't know how to fix it...and at times it seemed beyond repair. The tensions and actions taken rooted out of that tension also undermined any positive influence either ministry had to anyone who could see the tension.
Fast forward to today.
Things have evolved quite a bit. In the time since the 'conversation in the car' events have unfolded and both groups have made tremendous movement forward-so has that church. Sure there are bumps along the way, but both groups of people are working together and amazing things are happening. Things neither group could do on their own easily are happening as they work together. Above all else, it seems as though they've gotten to know how awesome the people in the other world are. I no longer am privilege to work with these people on a regular basis, but every time I visit it's incredible to see how they're working together and the huge impact that it's having. Seeing where they are now gives me tremendous hope for the future of the Church as a whole.
Tension is now the reality of my work. I love my job, just not always the tension. In so many ways this feels so much like the previous situation, only on a much grander scale. Daily the tensions in and between the Christian church and the gay community play out before my eyes. I've only been working in this tension for about six months, but it's already reached the place of being gutting at times. The levels of misunderstanding, immaturity, and pettiness play like a movie that no one should want to watch. I've watched as people argued about chicken sandwiches as I try to respond to an email from a young man who lives in the Southern US, is questioning his sexuality, and has no one safe to talk to. I've watched as friends on my Facebook took 'stands' for God only to receive a text from a close friend asking why people would say such hateful things. I've continued to journey knowing that some in my life are even questioning my salvation because I am choosing to walk with people instead of drawing a line in the sand. Both communities are composed of people that I know, value, love, and believe in; and many friends are caught in the tension between the two...
When will we meet people where they are...and listen to what they have to say?
When will we acknowledge the realities of people we may not fully understand?
When will we educate ourselves to truly know what we're talking about?
When will we back up to see how counter productive our approaches have been?
When will we realize how immature this makes us look?
When will we realize that while we fight, bicker, and debate another generation is rolling their eyes and walking away?
When will we engage in honest conversation and admit the things we're really not sure about?
When will we realize that the statements being made are not worth the price of losing our neighbor?
What about all the people, families, and young people caught in the middle?
